My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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