And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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