you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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