i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
