Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
