A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
