haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Randomize
