mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
