Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
