I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
