Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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