I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
