We're facebook friends in real life
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
