five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You are the jesus of drinking
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
