How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Randomize
