The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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