I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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