sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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