She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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