If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
