Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
