This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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