i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
