You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
