thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
