my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
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