Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
