yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
