I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
