No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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