I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
