3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
