It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
