glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
