I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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