You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
