My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize