Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
