can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Randomize
