Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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