she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
