That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
