I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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