i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Is this like a preordered booty call?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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