How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
