She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
