Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
