Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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