We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
