its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
All the doctor said was why
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
