Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
