Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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