erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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