margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
