if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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