hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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