I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
