Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
its liver damage thursday
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
