hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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