i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
